Sunday, October 13, 2013

Re-open the Statute of Liberty with a slur charge

Wow, I'm so relieved that the good taxpayers of New York are going to foot the bill to reopen the Statute of Liberty.  Its closure was having a huge impact everywhere in New York and for a mere $61,600 of taxpayer dollars per day, what a sweet deal.  I'm certain the tourist industry here in Albany will take off and Buffaloians are likely even more excited at the prospect of the returning droves of tourist dollars that will soon be filling their coffers.  I suppose that it should come as no surprise that the Cuomo model would follow the Obamacare model of redistributing the sweat of the middle class to the few... And I'm sure these tourists will be so grateful that they'll trade staying at nearby New Jersey and the opportunity for online gambling to support the Yankee funded home team.

Instead of New York taxpayers footing the bill, I think we need to get creative and once again, it is time for a MTQ solution.  I'm proposing that all tours to the Statute of Liberty include a slur charge.  That's right, each visitor pays a bit more to cover the cost of operation and in turn they get to tweet the politician that they blame the most with a profanity laced message.  Additionally, corporate sponsors can be recruited to support this initiative and an algorithm can be concocted so that a target advertisement is sent back to the tourists.  As each tourist boards, we have a series of iPads and Android devices mounted on the boat for tourists to tweet their message to those they deem most responsible.  Large screen TVs should also be mounted and advertisements streamed to the tourists based on the tweet algorithm with the profanity laced tweets flowing as a caption below the algorithm generated commercial.  Additional slur charges should be encouraged with readily available 1-900 numbers at only 99 cents for text or one minute voice message.  In order to be fair to all sides these numbers can be 1-900-F-off-Rep or 1-900-F-off-Dem or 1-900-F-off-All.

MTQ rumor has it that Governor Cuomo will carefully consider full implementation of this proposal.  Already, I suspect he is lining up a full faction of clueless leaders to spear head an exploratory committee which of course will require break out groups for closer study...all told, in true Andy fashion, I have no doubt he can assemble our finest thinkers at a cost of no less than $100,000 per day to study how to spend $61,000.  Well take that Washington; let us New Yorkers show you how to run a business!

Bonus quip... since I'm on a rant this week, let me share how relieved I was to learn last month that Caroline "I was farted into a life of privilege" Kennedy was appointed as ambassador to Japan...I know how torn up and disappointed everyone was when Paterson didn't cave to the privileged class and instead appointed a commoner to Hillary's vacant Senate seat a few years back.


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