Thursday, July 11, 2013

Fences, Lawsuits and Penes

I heard an audible, "harumph" from my daughter as I lifted the 2 x 4 barring the backyard gate.  She had just completed a long run, was tired and was frustrated with being unable to enter the backyard.  She was not pleased when I had identified my plan for securing the gate a few weeks prior.  Previous to this, we had always simply secured the gate with a large bungee cord that stretched from one side to the other to hold the gate closed.  Opening the gate was simply a matter of pushing the gate slightly, then reaching in and unhooking the bungee cord allowing for easy entry from either side of the gate.

But alas, dad was concerned.  Unfortunately, we have an in-ground pool which like the bungee cord, came with the house.  I wish it didn't, but that's the way it is.  Last year, we left the pool closed.  After receiving advice that I might be causing more damage by not running the motor and neglecting the pool, I relented and opened the pool this year.  It's not the prettiest pool, but its now opened.

Perhaps it is paranoia or one too many episodes of watching Cops, but I'm terrified of waking up and facing a lawsuit after some drunk 12 year old drowns in our pool from a late night swim.  Somehow, in the litigious world we live in, I suspect that testifying that the pool area was secured with a bungee cord wouldn't cut it.  Who knows, beyond a civil lawsuit perhaps it might even be considered criminal... and we all know how that works... they wait until your worst moment and then drag the male head of household out of the house in his boxer shorts with wide angle shots of his flab jiggling.  ("Huh, bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do when they come for you").

This is something my daughter does not quite understand or perhaps is simply is not able to empathize with.  I always find it interesting that whenever you hear of a case of criminal activity within a home such as illegal downloading, it seems like the male head of household is the one fingered... never mind that the illegal download is a boatload of Justin Bieber tunes that no self respecting 50 year male would have the remotest desire to listen to let alone download... My luck would be that it would be a drunk Justin Bieber drowned in the pool, but not on my watch.*

And so it is, one grumpy daughter and one proud dad with his 2 x 4 barricaded gate.

*Please note illegal downloading was used for illustrative purposes only; this activity is not condoned in this household and no Biebers were harmed in the creation of this posting.

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