things your dog will do to annoy you...

...and I'm not just talking just skidding his nasty hiney across your carpet.

It is not well known, but these dogs go to a secret dog school to learn tricks like these...

Sneaking a snooze on the couch and turning your new shirt into an Angora sweater.

Your dog can sleep all day (or pretends to) except when you're working from home and have that important conference call, then he'll invariably find something to engage in a spastic fit of barking.

You're on a dog walk and have passed a wastebasket and he decides it's time to poo.  They know you don't want to carry poo all over the park so they make sure you're well past the last garbage can, but not close enough to the next one so you have to carry the poo and greet the oncoming traffic... "no, it's not really poo I'm carrying; it's my lunch."

You can be up walking all through the house, but it's when you sit down in your recliner and have a laptop on your knees that he saves his special "I've got to go out" signal.  After you unload all the crap from your lap and lumber out of the recliner to the back door you stand and wait and wait and wait for him to do his business.  Eventually, you figure he wants to sniff around or do whatever dogs do so you take a bathroom break yourself... you guessed it as soon as you sit down on the toilet, he's back at the door barking like you've abandoned him.

One of his favorite tricks is one he learned in school with Flipper the bottle-nosed dolphin... I tend to keep the bedroom and bathroom doors mostly closed for privacy, but cracked so I can hear anything else that may be going on in the house.  This dog regularly uses his snout with Flipper like dexterity to fling open the door.  More than once I've been caught standing and fully hanging out in the bathroom (and no, I wasn't on the phone) when he has decided it was time to be noticed.

Loud snoring - yup, they're doing it on purpose... don't fall for that fake sleeping routine.

...and while he's sleeping he adds his favorite, the silent, but deadly fart...

then he (might) look up at you with innocent looking brown eyes and you know even as you're calling him a nasty hog, that your dog will be with even when your kids don't know who you are.