Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Oppression of Men

I am fortunate to have a work schedule that allows me a Friday off every other week.  I love it.  It's great to stroll the mall and shop without the droves of weekend shoppers.  For the most part, you can shop undisturbed.  One thing you will notice is that us guys are hopelessly outnumbered when it comes to Friday shopping and I'm not just talking in the grocery store or the jewelry section, I'm talking anywhere in the mall, even the men's department which leads me to my next thought...

There ought to be a law - at least 2 hours each day, no women in the men's clothing section.  

I'm serious, the ladies are a different species.  Men tend to be more solitary creatures when shopping, maybe its an alpha male thing or maybe we emit man to man pheromones to maintain at least 10 feet from another man when shopping.  Women seem to have a social packing instinct.  If I'm checking out a bargain rack, you'd think that someone just set out the flashing blue light... "Attention, all women over here, this is the rack that has all of the bargains you want... Swarm! Swarm!"  No kidding, I can bank on it within no time it seems the women move in and before I know it I can't shop because I have a woman blocking my rack movement to either my right or left... And it doesn't seem to matter what section it is, sportswear, dress shirts, pants, even underwear.  It gets to the point where I just want to hold up a pair of underwear and say, "Excuse me ma'am, do you think these boxer briefs would make my butt look big?"

Ladies, is it not enough that you'll be outliving us by about 5 years?  Yes, that's right and guess what?  Us guys pay for that, too... Try to buy life insurance and you'll find that life insurance for a guy is more expensive than that for the same age female.  Equal rights?  Bring it on, I'm ready for some equal rights.  Unfortunately, when advocates start yakking about "equal rights," it seems as though equality is selectively measured.   I'm all for equal pay for equal work.  I'd also like to see equal responsibility too - yes, from child rearing all the way to selective service.

So here's the deal ladies, I'll support your equal rights all the way, just give me a little elbow room at the bargain racks, would ya?

...oops need to sign off, wife just got home... "Where ya been, hon?"

..."Target Men's Department... some wiseguy asked me if a pair of Superman briefs would go with his eyes..."

(and yes, I fabricated this final exchange...  I know my wife wouldn't invade the men's department or would she?)

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